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Posted by - 10 hours ago
i was at home watching the WOŚP Grand Finale on tv when suddenly the screen turned into HYPER REALISTIC STATIC. then a man in red glasses crawled out of my tv like the girl from The Ring but he was wearing a yellow shirt and a heart sticker.
it was him... JURIJ OWSIENKO.
he looked at me with HYPER REALISTIC EYES and screamed "SIEMA! LET THE WIND BLOW!" in a voice that sounded like SKELETONS RECITING POETRY. i tried to run but he was too fast because he had the power of URANIUM SALES. "i need your donations," he whispered, but he didnt want money. he started grabbing my stuff. he took my microwave, my cat, and a single half-eaten pierogi. he put them all into a giant COLLECTION BOX that was actually a portal to a DARK DIMENSION.
"why are you doing this?" i cried with REALISTIC BLOOD TEARS.
he just laughed and said "WE PLAY UNTIL THE END OF THE WORLD AND ONE DAY LONGER!!!" and then he did a backflip into my fridge and vanished.
i looked at my wall and there was a giant sticker of a heart, but it was BLEEDING.
AND THEN A CHECHEN SKELETON POPPED OUT!!!
DO YOU HAVE ANY URANIUM?!!!!!!